Personal Work in Marriage

“Each person in a marriage has work to do on themselves,” observed Family and Marriage Counselor, Julie Adams. “I’ve not seen a couple yet where ‘all the fault’ completely falls on one person.”

Julie’s not only a facebook friend, but a friend in real life. She recently posted a short, but powerful piece regarding our individual responsibility in marriage.

Julie is a “Certified Mental Health and Addictions coach, Certified Life Coach, with a B.A. in Health Care Administration and a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Counseling from Liberty University.”

In her 40 year career as an RN, and a co-worker in ministry with her husband, Wilson Adams, Julie’s education and experience provide her with a unique insight into people’s problems, especially in family and marital relationships.

Prayerfully consider, this “free” advice.

Marriage counseling is not easy. Each person comes to the table with their own thoughts and expectations. One personality can be stronger than the other. Each comes with a history of marriage observations, from family or friends.

Here is a fact. Each person in a marriage has work to do on themselves. I’ve not seen a couple yet where “all the fault” completely falls on one person. That being said, there are some marriages where one is bent on having their way, pushing their “lordship,” or seeking to validate behaviors of betrayal.

Here is another fact. When two people genuinely want to work on their relationship, they will. I’ve seen it. It’s beautiful. It’s godly. It’s not easy. It takes time.

It’s not about “winning.” It’s about humility and vulnerability.

Julie’s observations are both supported by experience and scripture. Just a cursory reading of Ephesians 5:21-32, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, I Peter 3:7, Colossians 3:18, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Genesis 2:18,23-24 and Matthew 19:4-6 remind us of our mutual responsibilities and God-ordained obligations in this sacred union.

As Julie says on her Still Waters web page, “Life is too short to be miserable.” Indeed, we’ve been “made for more.” As Paul Andrews use to say, “God made marriage to be a little taste of heaven on earth.”

If you’re experiencing problems in your marital relationship, don’t wait until your marriage is irretrievably broken. Get help. Seek the counsel of a qualified pastor, preacher, or marriage counselor who can advise you based on Biblical principles.

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman