The actor, comedian, and author Patton Oswalt was once asked by The New York Times, “If you could require the president to read one book, what would it be?” Oswalt replied:
“Garret Keizer’s The Enigma of Anger.”
It’s a meditation on rage, both righteous and unrighteous—an emotion that seems to infect much of our world today, from politics and pop culture to social media.
Indeed, anger is the hidden poison of love.
No wonder, among the 15 qualities of love, the apostle Paul writes that love “is not easily angered” (1 Cor. 13:5).
The original word means “to provoke, irritate, or stir up.” Albert Barnes notes that it was even used of sharpening a knife or sword. Interestingly, the word occurs in Acts 17:16, where Paul’s spirit was “stirred” when he saw Athens filled with idols.
Here, however, Paul describes someone who is easily irritated, quickly provoked, and readily stirred to anger.
Love does not have a short fuse.
Sadly, too many make little effort to subdue their anger in today’s toxic culture. Angry rhetoric permeates politics, social media, and even personal relationships.
I may not be able to stop the anger spewing from politicians, pundits, celebrities, or social media. But I can begin with my own heart, my own home, my own relationships, and my own congregation.
Before I condemn the anger in the culture, I need to confront the anger in me.
Paul reminds Christ’s disciples that Divine love governs our emotional reactions. Love is slow to flare up, quick to extend grace, and reluctant to take offense. Love doesn’t walk around with a “chip on its shoulder,” waiting for someone to knock it off so it can explode.
Of course, Paul is not saying love never feels anger. Jesus became angry at hard-heartedness (Mk. 3:5), and Paul admonished, “Be angry, and do not sin” (Eph. 4:26). There is such a thing as righteous indignation.
The issue is not whether anger ever rises within us, but whether anger rules us.
William Barclay writes, “Christian love never becomes exasperated with people. Exasperation is always a sign of defeat. When we lose our tempers, we lose everything.”
Love is demonstrated when a parent whose child disappoints them calmly discusses the situation without exploding in hurtful accusations.
Love is manifested in the workplace when we respond to disappointment, frustration, or criticism kindly and humbly without attacking another’s character.
Love is displayed among brethren who disagree but discuss their differences without questioning motives, resorting to innuendo, or demeaning one another.
And love is demonstrated at home when a husband or wife refuses to turn irritation into accusation, sarcasm, or the silent treatment.
The real test of our love is not how we treat people when they please us, but how we respond when they provoke us.
One under the influence of love is not prone to angry outbursts. Love is not hasty or quick to condemn. Love is calm. Patient. Sober-minded. Even when tensions rise, love restrains its passions and controls its words. J. B. Phillips expressed it simply: “Love is not touchy.”
Thomas Jefferson once advised a friend, “When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, to a hundred.”
James offers even better counsel: “Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (Jas. 1:19). And Solomon reminds us, “A soft answer turns away wrath” (Prov. 15:1).
So, put some space between provocation and response. Pray. Think. Lower your voice. Choose your words carefully. Remember who you are—and Whose you are.
Dallas Willard was right: “Everything that can be done in anger can be done much better without it.”
Anybody can react. Love chooses how to respond.
Love is not easily angered.
—Ken Weliever, The Preacherman
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