(Editor’s Note: In the spirit of “Throwback Thursday,” here’s a post originally written 14 years ago. While it has been edited and updated, the message remains the same and is just as applicable today.)

The late Stephen Covey was a respected author, teacher, and business coach, best known for his bestselling book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His principles of personal responsibility and accountability have influenced millions. Many of us have benefited from the organizational tools developed through Franklin-Covey, helping us stay focused, organized, and productive.

Covey was a strong believer in personal responsibility. He taught what he called the 90/10 principle.

What does it mean?

Ten percent of life is made up of what happens to us. We have little or no control over it. The other ninety percent of life is determined by how we respond. That is the part we control.

While Covey applied this principle to personal effectiveness, the Bible has long taught the importance of controlling our responses. Solomon wrote, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32).

Covey often used this illustration in his seminars.

Imagine you’re eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter accidentally knocks over a cup of coffee, and it spills all over your business shirt.

You have no control over what just happened. But what happens next will depend on how you respond.

You become angry. You harshly scold your daughter for being careless. She breaks down in tears. Then you turn to your spouse and criticize them for placing the coffee cup too close to the edge of the table. A short argument follows.

You rush upstairs to change your shirt. When you return, your daughter is too upset to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave for work, so you drive your daughter to school.

Because you are running late, you speed. Fifteen minutes later, you arrive at school after receiving a traffic ticket. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. You arrive at work late and realize you forgot your briefcase.

Your day started with a spilled cup of coffee. But the real problem wasn’t the coffee. It was your response.

Covey would ask his audience this multiple-choice question:

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D—not because you caused the coffee to spill, but because you controlled what happened next.

In those five seconds following the accident, your response could have changed everything.

You could have comforted your daughter and said, “It’s okay, sweetie. Don’t worry about it.” You could have calmly changed shirts. Your daughter could have caught the bus. You could have given your wife a six-second kiss goodbye. You could have arrived at work on time and started the day with a positive attitude.

Two completely different outcomes.

The circumstances were exactly the same. The difference was the response.

Life is filled with moments we cannot control. But between what happens to us and what happens next, there is a choice. We can react impulsively, allowing circumstances to control us, or we can respond wisely, allowing God to guide us.

What would happen in our homes if we took personal responsibility for our attitudes and applied the 90/10 principle?

What would happen in our churches? In our workplaces? In our friendships? In our neighborhoods?

How different would this country be if people stopped blaming others, stopped making excuses, and started taking responsibility for their own choices and actions?

God created each of us as creatures of choice. We can react or respond. We can choose anger or patience. We can choose negativity or encouragement. We can choose selfishness or love.

James reminds us, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).

We cannot always choose what happens to us. But with God’s help, we can choose how we respond.

Choose your response—and you may just change your life.

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman