Loneliness.

 

“Loneliness is not simply being alone — it is that profound ache of feeling like no one really cares.”

The above quote from Indian actress Neena Gupta appeared on my Facebook notifications from the page “Love is an Emotion of Strong Affection.”

Gupta continued, “You can be surrounded by friends and yet feel invisible, unheard, unloved. Sorry. It’s not the silence that hurts, it’s the nothing.”

Reading this short post prompted me to type “loneliness” in my Facebook search engine. Some past posts were written by my friend and preaching colleague, Wilson Adams.

In one post, Wilson described the feeling of loneliness, saying…

• It’s a feeling that you don’t measure up.
• It’s a feeling that you aren’t good enough.
• It’s a feeling that something’s wrong with me.
• It’s a feeling that you stand alone and others stand together.

Been there? You aren’t alone in your aloneness.

In another post, Wilson offered this observation.

A recent study found that 36% of respondents admitted they struggle with loneliness. I doubt it’s any different in or out of a pew.
• The lack of a spouse
• The loss of a spouse (death, divorce)
• The loss of a child (death, prodigal, divorce of the parent)
• The betrayal of friends
• The marriage that’s grown cold and distant
• The church that’s grown cold and distant

Suppose preachers and pastors struggle with loneliness? Wilson’s insight is spot on.

“There are times when we struggle mightily with loneliness. Shepherds struggle with it. Do you think they… ever make mistakes in judgment? …ever second-guess themselves? …ever have sleepless nights, concerned about souls? I know the answers.”

“Or preachers. Preachers wonder if their work is even appreciated. Or noticed. Some churches are good at keeping the preacher at arm’s length and making sure he knows that when the time comes, he goes/they stay. Do you think a preacher’s spouse experiences loneliness? Someone invariably says, “I’m a preacher’s wife and I’ve always been treated well…” Good for you. But your case is not always the case.”

In another post, Wilson reminds us that…

“Loneliness can push you into the arms of the One who promises to “never leave you,” or can push you away into an even deeper depression. David made a decision to lean into the Lord and it made all the difference. Some of God’s greatest servants so struggled. Jesus tasted it: “in Gethsemane… alone.” Again and again, the Spirit reminds us we are not alone in our aloneness.”

What to do? Wilson offered these six suggestions:

1. Journal. Many of the psalms are journal entries of one expressing sad and scared bouts with loneliness. Write down your struggles.

2. Stop scrolling. Social media convinces you that everyone is happy but you. Fake news… You’ll be happier if you spend less time on it.

3. Personalize Scripture. Highlight key phrases and put yourself in the text. “God so loved… me.”

4. Go outside -walk and talk. Walk in the freshness of God’s creation and talk to Him. If someone thinks you’re crazy, so what?

5. Gift yourself with something you enjoy. Grab a book and savor a coffee and a chapter. Put on music. Rearrange furniture. Go to Happy Hour (at Sonic).

6. Seek community connection. The local church community is designed for “one another.” Find a church that gets “it.” How to know? When it’s over, they stay in the room.

Ironically, as I scrolled down, I discovered a post from 2 years ago today from ThePreachersWord addressing loneliness. In it, I offered 5 suggestions on how Christians can help others cope with loneliness.

While loneliness is a nagging ache of the heart, we can find comfort in the fact that, in reality, we’re never alone when we have the Lord. David, who knew periods of loneliness, offers these comforting words: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me” (Ps. 23:4).

Finally, the sentiment of the 1955 song written by Mosie Lister closes with this hopeful reminder about the Lord’s presence.

“Hold my hand all the way every hour, every day
From here to the great unknown…
Take my hand, let me stand,
Where no one stands alone.”

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman