With all the bad things going on in the world around, it’s time for a little humor to begin our Saturday. The following are reputed to be answers that students of various ages gave on quizzes from their Bible classes.
- The first book of the Bible is Guinessis.
- The Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree
- Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
- Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
- Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
- The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father
- The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines
- When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
- Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.”
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
I suppose the main lesson we learn from these crazy answers is to heed Paul’s exhortation in 2 Timothy 2:15, as translated from the KJV. “Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”
Have a great day!
–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman
What’s your favorite “Bible blooper”? Take a minute to share it with me and the rest of our readers. We’d love to hear it.