Bible Bloopers by Kids

Bible.What in it...

With all the bad things going on in the world around, it’s time for a little humor to begin our Saturday. The following are reputed to be answers that students of various ages gave on quizzes from their Bible classes.

  • The first book of the Bible is Guinessis.
  • The Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
  • Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree
  • Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
  • Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
  • Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
  • Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
  • Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
  • Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
  • The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father
  • The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
  • Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
  • The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  • David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
  • Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines
  • When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
  • Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.
  • Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.”
  • It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
  • The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
  • A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
  • The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
  • One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
  • St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

I suppose the main lesson we learn from these crazy answers is to heed Paul’s exhortation in 2 Timothy 2:15, as translated from the KJV. “Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

Have a great day!

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman

What’s your favorite “Bible blooper”? Take a minute to share it with me and the rest of our readers. We’d love to hear it.

 

 

12 Comments

Filed under Humor

12 responses to “Bible Bloopers by Kids

  1. Emily McDonald

    I read a book about 2 little boys who lived on a KY horse farm. One little boy had a dog, whom he said had a Biblecal name. When asked what it was, he said, “Moreover.”
    The scripture he quoted was in Matthew, saying “moreover the dog lay at Jesus’ feet.

  2. david Pennington

    Ken
    Thanks for these. I try to send humorous e mails (clean) ; Christians need to be happy. As someone said ” We have the best insurance plan available.”

  3. Carolyn

    In answer to my question, “What did you study in bible class today”, our four-year-old said “Shadrach, Meshach, and a billy goat!” By the way, that son is now 50! But I still love the story.

  4. When my brother-in-law was young and was in church, the preacher was talking about the all seeing eye of God, and then they sang the song about the all seeing eye. He was scared to death because he thought it was giant eyeball that was following him around. I love the way kids think!

  5. Thanks for sharing these! Certainly helps to read something light and cute, as you said, with all the horror in the world.

    My oldest granddaughter, just short of being 4 y.o., was listening to her parents (my daughter and son-in-law) discussing their budget. She kept interrupting them, and they told her to wait just a little bit longer.

    Finally, my granddaughter looked up at a picture of a weeping Jesus, and she informed her parents that Jesus was crying about their budget!

  6. Melena Mitchell

    When our oldest daughter was little, we ask her “What was Lot’s wife turned into ?” Then she replied, “Pepper Sauce!”

  7. Ken, somewhere, I heard a child refer to “The Ten Amendments”. Thanks for the levity in a difficult week for the World. Peace and grace–

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