Some Light-hearted Thoughts On Getting Older

Well, here it is again.  My birthday!  When you’re a kid they can’t come quickly enough.  When you get to my, uh, well, a certain age, they seem to come too quickly!

Some of my favorite stories and quips come to mind this morning.

A census taker knocked on Marg Montgomery’s door. She answered all his questions except one. Her age.  Marg was adamant.  She wasn’t telling.

“But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said.

Marg thought about the Hills, two old-maid twin sisters who lived down the road. “Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?” she asked.

“Certainly,” he replied.

“Well, I’m the same age as they are,” she snapped.

The census taker simply wrote on the form, “As old as the Hills.”

Well, I’m not “as old as the Hills”!  Not yet, anyway!  But I have been guilty of looking at others my own age and thinking, “Surely I don’t look that old!”  If you’ve ever thought that, you will love this story.

A man waiting for his first appointment with a new dentist. He noticed the certificate in the exam room which gave his full name. He thought, I went to school with that guy 40 years ago!

However, when the dentist entered the room, he realized that it couldn’t be the same person. This guy was a balding, graying old man. Much too old to have been his classmate.

Finally, at the end of the exam, he asked the dentist if he had attended the local high school. “Yes, he replied.

“When did you graduate?” the patient asked.

“1957.” Answered the dentist.

“Wow! You were in my class! He exclaimed.

Then the dentist looked closely at him and seriously asked, “What did you teach?”

Ouch!

The comedian, Jeff Foxworthy, did a bit with some great one-liners on aging that he  called “You’re not a kid anymore WHEN….

“You quit trying to hold your stomach, no matter who walks into the room.”

“You enjoy watching the news.”

“People ask what color your hair USED to be.”

“You don’t like to drive after dark.”

“When you point out what buildings used to be there.”

And I can definitely relate to this one.

“8 AM is your idea of “sleeping in.”

Thinking of age and what I would do differently, if I could be young again,  always reminds me of the quip by George Bernard Shaw, “Youth is such a wonderful thing, it’s a shame to waste it on the young.”

Sometimes I feel a little bit like Bertrand Russell who lamented, “I was born in the wrong generation.  When I was a young man, no one had any respect for youth.  Now I am an old man and no one has any respect for age.”

At least my generation had the best music ever!  However, I hear that some of  “Our songs” are being re-released on a new album called “Baby Boomers Turn Gray.”  Here’s a few.

Paul Simon-–“Fifty Ways to Lose You Liver.”

The Bee Gees-–“How Can You Mend a Broken Hip”

Roberta Flack-–“The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.”

The Who-–“Talking’ Bout My Medication.”

Herman’s Hermits-–“Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Walker.”

The Troggs-–“Bald Thing.”

ABBA–“Denture Queen.”

I guess, if we’re honest, we like to joke about age because there’s a certain point where getting older frightens us a little bit. Like Jonathan swift once said, “Every man desires to live long, but no man wants to be old!”

Thus the admonition of the Psalmist is fitting.  “So teach us to number our days,  That we may gain a heart of wisdom.”  (Ps 90:12)

So, today, I will embrace another birthday.  Enjoy it.  Be thankful to God for good health.  A wonderful wife.  A loving family.  And encouraging brethren.

Now, excuse me, while I drink my prune juice and eat my bran flakes!

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman