The Love Bank

Yesterday was our second marriage enrichment class with the Henderson Boulevard church family. I am enjoying being with these brethren and sharing some ideas with these fine young couples. Well, and some not so young!

I want to share with all of you two of concepts (one today and another tomorrow) we talked about that I believe will enrich your marriage. Or any relationship that you value. It’s not original with me. I learned it several years ago when Norma Jean and I attended a seminar conducted by Family Dynamics Institute. They use the His Need Her Needs material from Dr. Willard Harley. He teaches that everyone has 10 emotional needs. Typically five are male and five are female. However, in order to meet those needs it is important to apply some important concepts. One is the use of the “love bank.”

Everyone has a “love bank.” In a marriage everything you do either makes deposits in the “love bank” or makes withdrawals. When we are dating we do nice things for each other. Give compliments. Spend time together. Buy gifts. Show genuine concern. Listen to one another. Enjoy activities together. All of these thoughtful gestures add deposits to the “love bank.” And they make your partner happy. And they make you happy.

On the other hand when you have an argument, show disrespect, or hurt your beloved’s feelings you make withdrawals. But when the balance is high enough, the withdrawals are not serious enough to harm the relationship. When enough deposits are made, you “fall in love.” In fact, either consciously or subconsciously we work hard to make the other person happy. And eventually get married.

Too often after marriage, we quit making deposits in the each others “love bank.” And over time enough withdrawals are made that people “fall out of love.” In fact, Dr. Harley says that when that balance in your love bank falls below zero it become a “hate bank.” The answer? Get back to making deposits into the “love bank.”

So what if in marriage we practiced the principles of love taught by the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

What if men practiced Paul’s admonition in Ephesians 5:25-29

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

What if wives practiced the admonitions to “submit to your own husbands as unto the Lord,” “respect (your) husband” and “love your husband” ?

What if we demonstrated our love toward each other by being kind and complimentary. By listening again. By remembering those special days. By enjoying recreational companionship. By freely expressing our love. By being thoughtful and respectful of each others feelings. Love can be rekindled.

Begin today to make deposits in some one’s “love bank.” I guarantee that it will repay you with wonderful dividends!

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman


Filed under Love, Marriage

4 responses to “The Love Bank

  1. John


    It was (to the best of my knowledge) that during one of your classes to young adults in Palmetto in the mid 70’s that John & Carol Gemmill and Nancy & myself got married!!!


  2. Pingback: Love Busters | ThePreachersWord

  3. Pingback: Friday’s List To Live By #30 | ThePreachersWord

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