Anger Management in the Home

In the spring of 1894, the Baltimore Orioles came to Boston to play a routine baseball game. But what happened that day was anything but routine. The Orioles’ John McGraw got into a fight with the Boston third baseman. Within minutes all the players from both teams had joined in the brawl. The warfare quickly spread to the grandstands. Among the fans the conflict went from bad to worse. Someone set fire to the stands and the entire ballpark burned to the ground. Not only that, but the fire spread to 107 other Boston buildings as well.  (From “Daily Bread”) 

Anger is like that.  A little spark can roar into a great fire.  It spreads.  It hurts.  It harms.  Its impact can destroy.  Not just buildings.  But homes. And hearts.  And churches.  It separates the best of friends.  Ruptures relationships.  Wrecks marriages.  Scars children.

This week Norma Jean and I are in Chiefland, Florida.  I’m preaching at the Midway church.  It’s called Midway because it’s midway between Trenton and Bell.  Now you now where we are!  I’m doing my series on Home Improvement. Last night we talked about Anger Management in the Home.

Here are four principles we discussed that will help you manage your anger. 

     First, admit your anger.  For some reason we don’t want to accept that we get angry.  Anger is not necessarily bad.  Anger may say, “I care.”  “I stand for something.”  Or “I love you too much to watch you ruin your life.”

The Psalmist affirmed that “God is angry with the wicked every day” (Ps. 7:11).  Jesus was angry at those who profaned the temple with material merchandise (Jn 2:13-17).  Anger itself is not a sin.  There are occasions where anger is justified.  Just admit it when you’re angry.

Secondly, understand your anger.  The wise man was right when he wrote, “Those who control their anger have great understanding; those with a hasty temper will make mistakes” (Prov. 14:29).

How do you express your anger.  Some folks are like skunks and stink up the place with anger.  Others are like turtles and withdraw and suffer in silence.  And some are like pit bulls and attack others viciously.

Learn what makes you angry.   Is it a lack of acceptance?  Feeling unappreciated? Or unsupported?  Unprotected?  Uncertain?  All of these emotions can make us feel like our lives are out of control and cause feelings of resentment and anger.

     Thirdly, deal with anger immediately.  Don’t procrastinate.  Paul put it this way.  “Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Eph 4:25-27).

Unresolved conflict will keep growing.  It will turn into bitterness.  Then hatred.  And finally hostility.  Love does not keep a record of wrongs.  But when it does, love subsides and anger rears its ugly head.

     Fourth.  Learn to control your anger.  Truly, “A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression (Prov. 19:11, NAS).  Before reacting, I need to reflect.  “Be quick to listen.  Slow to speak.  Slow to become angry” (Jas 1:19).  Then I can respond with a measured reply.  Instead of an angry answer.

Some people blow up.  Others clam up.  Both are wrong reactions.  Instead own up.  Admit your anger.  Be brief.  Be honest.  Be humble.

Uncontrolled anger comes a high price.  Physical ailments.  Emotional stress.  Severed friendships. Broken Homes.  It is true that “A hot tempered man starts fights and gets into all kinds of trouble” (Prov. 29:22).

Think of your life like a tube of toothpaste.  When it is squeezed whatever is inside will come out.  If you’re filled with hostility, when the world puts on the squeeze you will get angry.  But if you fill your life with fruit of the spirit, when you’re squeezed, out will come love, joy, and peace.

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman