Today’s Facebook Friday draws on a serious post from my friend and preaching colleague, Mark McCrary.
Mark’s observations concern the sexual assault allegations at Cornell University currently in the news. I will spare you the disturbing details, but this link provides background.
Whether you’re familiar with the case or not, his admonitions deserve our attention.
The Cornell Jane Doe case is an undeniable tragedy if she did not consent. But let’s be clear: it is still a tragedy if she did consent.
The deeper tragedy is that we have cultivated a culture that has lost any meaningful sense of sexual right and wrong—whether something is unwilling or willing. We have learned to see other human beings as objects to satisfy our sexual desires rather than people made in the image of God.
And Christians, we need to be honest about our own participation in that culture. We cannot continually consume and support media designed to stir sexual desire and then be surprised when people want to feed those desires. We cannot celebrate events, movies, shows, concerts, and celebrities that increasingly turn the human body into a commodity, communicating that we can live however we want, and then act shocked when people begin to live according to that message. We can’t dance with the beast and then decry those it destroys.
The issue is bigger than consent. The tragedy is failing to treat another human being with dignity and respect– unwilling or willing–because we have learned to see them primarily as something to desire, consume, or use.
Biblically, the answer is not merely, “Did they consent?” The Christian question is, “Did I honor this person as someone created in the image of God?”
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God…” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
Mark’s exhortations bring to mind a tragic Old Testament account involving David’s son Amnon and his half-sister Tamar. 2Samuel 13:1–21 recounts Amnon’s lust, his devious plan, his assault on Tamar, and the resulting devastation. Before the assault, Tamar’s protest expressed three truths about moral conduct that still speak to us today.
“No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel…” (2 Samuel 13:12–13).
Note three important points from Tamar’s statement.
#1 Morality involves your relationship to God.
Why does she say, “No such thing should be done in Israel”?
Because the people of Israel were God’s holy people. They were to be holy, set apart from the heathen nations, and morally pure.
As Christians, we are citizens of God’s Kingdom. We are to be different from the world. Indeed, Peter declared, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light” (1 Pet. 2:9).
#2 Morality involves your relationship to others.
Amnon’s assault was a sin against Tamar. His conduct was disgraceful, shameful, and hurtful. Tamar bore no guilt for his sin, yet she suffered its devastating consequences—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
It was true 3,000 years ago, and it is true today. Sexual sin can leave lasting wounds. Assault violates another person’s will and dignity. Even when both people consent, consent alone does not make sexual conduct morally right.
Lust is selfish. As the Bible teaches, “love does no wrong to its neighbor” (Rom. 13:10).
#3 Morality involves your relationship to yourself—your integrity.
Amnon became the fool Tamar warned he would become. His conduct aroused his father David’s anger and his brother Absalom’s hatred. Two years later, Absalom arranged his murder (2 Sam. 13:23–29).
The book of Proverbs describes a young man drawn into sexual immorality as “devoid of understanding” (Prov. 7:7). Likewise, the wise man warns that an adulterer lacks understanding and “destroys his own soul” (Prov. 6:32).
Lust promises pleasure. But it can cost a person his integrity, his relationships, and ultimately his soul.
Both Biblical history and exhortations, as well as modern-day examples, remind us that the basis of moral conduct is more than personal desire, cultural approval, or mutual consent. It is our relationship to God, our respect for others, and our own integrity.
Before we act, we ought to ask: Does this honor God? Does it respect this person? Does it preserve my integrity?
–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman
