Nine Keys to Better Communication

Josh was a college Freshman, but didn’t have a lot of social skills.  Kinda shy.  Introverted.  Actually  a computer geek.   He didn’t date much in high school.  But now he’s got a date with Ashley.  She’s pretty. Great personality.  And loads of fun.

As he was taking her back to the residence hall, Josh’s mind was racing. He wanted to kiss her goodnight. But should he? He didn’t want to spoil things by moving to quickly. So he decided to be more subtle.

He would thank her for a great evening, lean toward her, and just kiss her forehead. And so he did!  To his bewilderment, Ashley smiled at him and cooed in the sweetest voice, “A little lower, please.”

So in his deepest James Earl Jones’s voice. he repeated his words a full octave lower than the first time: “Thanks for a great evening. I had a really nice time.”

Communication is tough.  Challenging. Tricky.  Sometimes we miss the signals people are trying to send us. Other times our words don’t sound like we meant them to sound.

In this third of a trilogy of communication posts this week, let me briefly bullet some suggestions that will help improve your family communication.  Read the referenced scripture. Make personal application. Share these with your family and discuss how each of you can improve.

◆Learn to really listen.  Don’t interrupt. Don’t second guess. Don’t judge motives.  Just focus on your loved one and listen with your ears and your heart. (James 1:19)

◆Set aside some time for undivided attention. While a lot of family communication is spontaneous, research has shown that strong families intentionally carve out time to talk about their day, share their feelings and discuss their hopes, dreams and fears (Eph 5:16-17)

◆Be transparent.  Ephesians 4:16 admonishes us to “speak the truth in love.”  Truth is transparent.  Open. Illuminated by light.  Honest communication is open and transparent.

◆ Be sensitive to the feelings of others.  Men and women are typically different in their expressiveness.  Men tend to communicate from the head and women from the heart.  (1 Pet. 3:7)

◆Deal with communication issues. Don’t ignore them.  Deal with them as quickly as possible (Eph 4:26). Deal with one issue at a time. Lovingly communicate what the issue really is.  Then work together to solve the problem.

◆Establish rituals, traditions and values that foster communication.  (Prov 13:22). Play to the strengths of your family.  Have special family nights. Date night. Vacations. Meals on birthdays. Develop your own unique traditions that you anticipate and talk about.

◆Be positive in your outlook.  Sure, bad things happen.  Problems occur.  And sin can and does invade our hearts and homes.  But be positive in your attitude and approach to solving your family problems.  If you focus too much on a small problem area, it will seem worse than it really is.  (Eph 4:32)

◆ See things through the eyes of a kid.  If you’re a parent, remember what it was like to be young. What seems trivial to us now was important when we were kids and is important to our children. Show that you care. (Col. 3:21)

◆Communicate with God and let God communicate with you. In other words–pray!  Read the Bible.  Make it a part of your family life. A lot of communication issues can be overcome and resolved when our spiritual commitments are valued, and our love for God shared. (Deut. 6:4-6).

Good communication builds and bonds.  It creates a sense of belonging.  It’s the lifeblood of your family.  Good communication enhances your relationships.  But a failure to communicate may result in a failed relationship.  Or leave us feeling foolish like poor Josh!  Don’t miss out on the richness and rewards of family communication.

(Take away: Evaluate your family communication in view of these 9 points.  How can you improve?)

(Question:  What are some communication techniques that have worked in your family?  Use the comment box below to share your tips with others.)

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman