In his Thought for the Day, Alan Smith tells the story of a patient who had skipped a doctor’s appointment. When he finally showed up, this conversation ensued.
Doctor: “I see you’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What’s your excuse?”
Patient: “I was just following your orders, Doc.”
Doctor: “Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order.”
Patient: “You told me to avoid people who irritate me.”
If we’re honest, we all know people who are hard to like—let alone love. Some folks seem to provoke frustration, aggravation, and irritation. So what’s a Christian to do?
Alan recommends a book by Milton Jones titled How to Love Someone You Can’t Stand. From Romans 12, Jones offers seven practical principles that can help us love difficult people.
1. Manage your mouth—bless and do not curse (Rom. 12:14)
2. Put yourself in the other person’s place. Try to understand their feelings and perspective (Rom. 12:15)
3. Never, never, never seek revenge (Rom. 12:17)
4. Plan ahead to do something good (Rom. 12:17)
5. Don’t just win the battle—win the peace (Rom. 12:18)
6. Make room for God’s justice (Rom. 12:19)
7. Bomb people with love (Rom. 12:14-21).
Jones’s sixth point may be the most beneficial—attitude-altering and life-changing. While we may conscientiously take specific steps to get along with other people, the best way to love others is to open our hearts to God’s love.
The golden text of the Bible, John 3:16, reminds us of God’s immeasurable love:
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
God loved us when we did not love Him. When we were sinners. When we were unlovely.
So God calls us to take the next step—to learn from Him. “Be holy, for I am holy,” He implores (1 Pet. 1:16). The Teacher wants us to become like Him (Lk. 6:40). We are called to follow in His steps—to feel as He felt, to care as He cared, and to love as He loved.
And who did Jesus love?
The scattered. The weary. The downtrodden. The publican. The prostitute. The sinner.
Some folks are difficult to love.
Jesus challenged His listeners—and us—in His immortal Sermon on the Mount to “love your enemies.” When we love only those who love us, how are we better than others? It’s easy to love our friends. But it is a challenge to love our foes.
To begin such a quest, you don’t have to volunteer at a homeless shelter or pick up a beggar on the street. You might start in your own neighborhood. Your own family. Or even in the same church building where you worship.
How often do we find people we ought to love irritating or aggravating? Maybe they are socially inept. Perhaps they have a bristly personality. Maybe they are not very bright. Or not very much fun. Or not very attractive.
It’s easy to gravitate toward the winsome personality, the engaging conversationalist, and—let’s be honest—the pretty face. In doing so, we may ignore those who are difficult to love, but who may need love the most.
God calls us to a higher standard. A nobler motivation. A deeper love.
It is a love that looks beyond the surface. That delves into the heart and the soul. That sees the image of God in every person. A love that reminds us that God loves them too—and that there have been times when I was unlovable, yet God loved me anyway.
“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (1 John 4:11)
—Ken Weliever, The Preacherman
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