In a recent sermon series at the Northside Church in Pompano Beach, we were applying the fifteen qualities of love from 1 Corinthians 13 to everyday life.
As I reflected on the phrase “love is kind,” I was reminded—again—that kindness is not measured only by what we say, but how we say it. My wife has gently pointed out on more than one occasion that my tone of voice has sometimes been more of a problem than my actual words. That kind of honesty is a gift, even when it stings a little.
This morning, I came across a short blog post I wrote ten years ago, in January 2016, on that very subject. Around the same time, my wife, Norma Jean, was going through some folders and came across a poem titled “The Tone of Voice.” She shared it with me and said she needed it every day. I took that as her kind way of reminding me that I probably need it even more than she does.
The poem has stayed with me because it captures something Scripture teaches repeatedly: tone reveals the heart. Words can be rehearsed and polished, but tone often slips past our filters. It exposes what is really going on inside—our patience or impatience, our gentleness or irritation, our love or our anger.
Here is that poem, written by my favorite author, Anonymous. I suspect many of our readers will recognize themselves in it:
It’s not so much what you say
As the manner in which you say it;
It’s not so much the language you use
As the tone in which you convey it;
“Come here!” I sharply said,
And the child cowered and wept.
“Come here,” I said —
He looked and smiled
And straight to my lap he crept.
Words may be mild and fair
And the tone may pierce like a dart;
Words may be as soft as the summer air
But the tone may break my heart;
For words come from the mind
Grow by study and art —
But tone leaps from the inner self
Revealing the state of the heart.
Whether you know it or not,
Whether you mean or care,
Gentleness, kindness, love, and hate,
Envy and anger are there.
Then, would you quarrels avoid
And peace and love rejoice?
Keep anger not only out of your words —
Keep it out of your voice.
The writer’s insight echoes the wisdom of Scripture:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NIV).
Truly kind love does more than choose the right words. It disciplines the voice. It pauses before speaking. And it asks not only, “Is this true?” but also, “Will this sound like love?”
That is a question worth asking—especially with the people we love the most
–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman
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