When Money Becomes a Secret: The Sin of Financial Infidelity

Recently, I was listening to financial expert Dave Ramsey, when a man called Dave’s show asking for advice on how to share some shocking financial news with his wife.

The couple had been married for 5 years, and the husband divulged his business dealings and investments, now totaling in the millions. His wife had no idea they were wealthy. He said that she was a spender and he was a saver. So, he wondered if and how he should share this financial information with her.

On the surface, they may sound like a good problem to have. But as Dave correctly told the caller, he must first tell his wife their financial condition. Secondly, he warned him that his wife would be angry. Why? Because he had deceived her for years.

In an article titled “Financial infidelity is wrecking our relationships,” Sheryl Nance-Nash revealed that a new survey from Bankrate.com found that 40% of adults in the U.S. are guilty of keeping money secrets in their relationships.
67% of Gen Zers said they have confessed to at least one instance of financial infidelity, followed by Millennials at 54%.

What are they hiding? Not that they are millionaires. Instead, 33% are spending more than their spouse would be cool with, and 23% have racked up debt their partner is unaware of. Others keep secret credit or savings accounts.

Avigail Lev, director at Bay Area Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, says, “Choosing to be private about where and how you spend your money is just privacy. (But) Having agreements with your partner about how you use money and hiding it on purpose, lying or deceiving, that’s financial infidelity.”

Marriage counselors disclose that financial infidelity, more than sexual infidelity, is one of the leading causes of divorce in the United States.

While it may not seem like money problems are a spiritual issue, they are when secrecy and deception enter our relationship. It’s now a matter of the heart, as well as Biblical stewardship. The Bible calls all dishonesty sin. “Do not lie to one another,” Paul admonished in Colossians 3:9. This is true in all relationships, but especially in the “one-flesh relationship” of marriage. This oneness is built on trust and emotional, spiritual, and yes, even financial transparency.

Why would your husband or wife, someone who loves you deeply, be dishonest about money? CPA Emily Luk says, “Sometimes it’s about guilt or fear — worrying that their partner won’t approve of a certain purchase, or that an old financial mistake might scare them off. Other times, it’s a way to avoid conflict or keep the peace. They might think it’s easier to conceal credit card statements than to have a tough conversation.”

However, “there is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear” (1 Jn. 4:18). Furthermore, our relationship with Christ values honesty over deception, confession of wrongs to relieve guilt, and building trust instead of creating doubt. Love “rejoices with the truth,” not with “wrong doing,” or self-ambition.

Financial infidelity may be rooted in greed, which Jesus clearly condemns in Luke 12:15: “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Greed can slowly but surely corrupt and finally destroy a marriage because it shifts the focus from “we” to “me.” It erodes trust and transparency. Replaces love with possessions. Breeds discontentment. Creates needless conflict. And weakens our spiritual fellowship.

It might help to remember that our money and all our possessions are neither his nor hers, but God’s. He’s the owner, and we are the managers. Faithful stewardship of money in our marriage can be a tremendous blessing. With it, we can provide for our families, support spiritual ministry, serve others, and help the less fortunate.

With money, as well as all other matters, let’s “speak the truth,” and “put away falsehood” (Eph 4:25).

To paraphrase Francis Bacon, be advised that “Money is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman