Break the Cycle

Not everything posted on social media is negative. So, every Friday we choose something positive, enlightening, and encouraging, found on facebook.

This piece, “Be the person who breaks the cycle,” has been posted by a number of people over the past several months. It’s credited to author and blogger Lori Deschene.

Its message has a Biblical basis. We offer it with a few comments and scriptural references for your reflection.

Be the person who breaks the cycle.

If you were judged, choose understanding.

If you were rejected, choose acceptance.

If you were shamed, choose compassion.

Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you.

Vow to be better than what broke you—to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.

Too often in a relationship, whether in one’s physical family, a church family, or some other community, some people have developed a repetitive pattern of behavior that is negative. Maybe even abusive. It may be verbally, emotionally, or even physically harmful.

To break the cycle is to change attitudes, habits, actions, and words that perpetuate the destructive pattern. While the Bible is not a psychology or behavioral science book, it provides instructions in Christ-like living that will break the cycle.

1. Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matt. 7:1).

While not all judging is wrong, in this text Jesus is condemning censorious, hypocritical and hypercritical judgment. In John 7:24, He admonished, “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”

2. “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Rom. 15:7).

In our relationship in the Body of Christ, Paul reminds us to be tolerant, loving, and kind to those who may be weaker in the faith, or hold personal convictions that differ from ours. In a congregation, there are a myriad of political, social, economic, and ethnic differences. We must learn to get along. And respect each other, even when we may disagree.

3. Compassion is a balm that will heal many hurts.

Compassion means to bear with. Suffer with. Sympathize with. Compassion involves sympathy. Empathy. Understanding. It really does feel the pain of another. Compassion “weeps with those that weep” (Rom. 12:15). To this end Peter penned, “Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous” (1Pet. 3:8).

4. Break the cycle, get rid of bitterness.

The Bible says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice” (Eph. 4:31).

In his book, The Gift of Forgiveness, Dr. Charles Stanley observed, “Bitterness is never constructive; bitterness is always destructive. It doesn’t make any difference what people have done to us or how bad it was or how often they did it. Bitterness as a response to wrong doing is never acceptable before God. Nothing good ever comes from it.”

Breaking the cycle of destructive behavior requires giving up your desire for retaliation, and giving it over to God. “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” That allows us to imbibe the spirit of returning good for evil (Rom. 12:17,21).

Finally, this piece of advice from Lori Deschene.

“Practice the pause. Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you’re about to react harshly and you’ll avoid doing and saying things you’ll later regret.”

–Ken Weliever, The Preacherman